If you’ve felt guilt for moving a loved one to assisted living or memory care, you’re not alone
If your parents are moving into assisted living or memory care, rest assured that help will be available when needed. Community support, amenities and activities can also provide the basis for independence and achieving a high quality of life.
But navigating the senior living journey can also result in a roller coaster of emotions, especially if your elderly parent refuses to move to assisted living or memory care. And one prominent feeling that often surfaces for families during this time is guilt. Unfortunately, if left unchecked, coping with the guilt of moving a parent into assisted living or memory care can overshadow the valid and logical reasons for making this decision. Understanding and addressing this feeling is crucial for the health and well-being of the entire family.
Reasons why there is guilt about assisted living or memory care
There are several reasons why guilt may arise when helping a parent find the best solution for care, safety and social interaction. While the guilt of moving your parents into assisted living or memory care may be common for adult children, understanding the “why” can also help you take the right steps to move forward.
1. Perceived abandonment
Adult children often struggle with the idea that they’re abandoning their parents, especially if their elderly parent refuses assisted living or memory care. They worry that their loved ones will feel left behind or unloved.
2. Cultural and societal expectations
Certain cultures emphasize the importance of taking care of older parents at home. This can create pressure for the family to provide direct care, even if it’s beyond their capability.
3. Past promises
In years past, some adult children often promised their parents that they would never “put them in a home”. The guilt stems from the feeling that they’ve broken this promise.
4. Self-imposed expectations
There’s a tendency to compare oneself to others, particularly siblings, friends or even characters in a movie who might be managing to care for their parents at home.
5. Fear of a diminished quality of life
Families coping with the guilt of moving a parent into assisted living or memory care might fear that their loved one won’t receive the same level of care or attention in an assisted living or memory care community compared to living at home.
Tips for navigating the journey of guilt about assisted living or memory care
If you’re experiencing feelings of guilt associated with a move a parent is making to assisted living or memory care, remember the goal – to ensure the safety, well-being, and quality of life for your loved ones.
By addressing these feelings directly, seeking support, and reframing your perspective, you can build a positive path forward that strengthens the bonds of the relationship.
Keep the lines of communication open
To help you cope with the guilt of moving your parents into assisted living or memory care, encourage honest expression of feelings. It can help everyone to talk about their fears, anxieties and even excitement so you can provide each other with perspective and reassurance.
Educate yourself
Understanding the benefits of assisted living or memory care and matching them to your parents’ challenges can boost positive feelings, especially if your elderly parent initially refuses a move. Having assistance, options to be active and opportunities for social interaction can significantly improve their quality of life.
Be kind to yourself
Recognize that feelings of guilt are real and can be painful but they’re not a measure of whether the best decision was made. Every family situation is unique and you’re doing the best you can.
Seek support
If faced with guilt when making the assisted living /memory care decision, talk to friends, family or professionals who can offer suggestions and encouragement. Joining a support group can also provide comfort and understanding to help you cope with the guilt of moving a parent into assisted living or memory care.
Reframe your thinking
If your elderly parent refuses assisted living or memory care, try adjusting your mindset and looking at the situation differently. Instead of seeing it as putting your parents in a community or abandoning them, view it for what it really is – partnering with your loved ones and professionals to make sure proper care and an enriched lifestyle are possible.
Stay involved
Parents often fear their children will not visit as often once they move into assisted living or memory care. Make sure your relationship with your parents continues to be strong, especially if your elderly parent initially refuses. Everyone may be happily surprised once familiar roles go to back to normal, and your time together can be spent enjoying each other’s company, instead of completing caregiving tasks.
Acceptance
Recognize that feelings of guilt won’t disappear overnight – even when you know an assisted living or memory care community is the best place for your parents to live. With time and support, most families find peace with the decision, especially when they see their loved ones re-engage and thrive.
Are you considering assisted living or memory care for your loved one? Galloway Senior Living offers quality assisted living and memory care in Wadsworth, Illinois. Our state-of-the-art senior living community was designed to provide residents and their families with an affordable luxury experience, featuring comprehensive care and top-notch services and amenities. For more resources to help with your decision, we invite you to download our Family Decision Toolkit.
